That Silent Night...

Guruji left Haryana and few days passed after it. But there was something which had been left unanswered till now and was bombarding my mind over and again for quite some time. It often used to trouble me and I wanted to ask it from Guruji, but perhaps something was holding me back. One day, I heard experiences of one of my friends with Guruji and that encouraged me to ask it from Him this time. Meanwhile, something strange happened between me and Him, on an emotional or rather mental level, which had never happened earlier. Although, as I said, it was just a mental cobweb, but it started bothering me even more. Perhaps, He was preparing the background of what was going to happen next.
So, one day, I came to know that Guruji would be coming to Delhi, but His schedule was not confirmed and I thought it may not be possible for me to meet Him this time owing to my professional commitments. But then I thought, if not now, then I’d be able to meet Him only after one and a half months, in Ashram and I was not ready to wait till then. So, I decided that I’d go.
The night before He came to Delhi, I had a dream in the wee hours of morning. In the dream, I saw Guruji. I saw that He was in some ashram and I was also there. I was following Him with desperation to meet Him and after a while He called me, very characteristically. Then we had a conversation and in the conversation, I asked Him what precisely I wanted to ask. He started thinking over it for a while. I interrupted Him in between and said, “Guruji kal bataoge?” [Guruji, would you tell me tomorrow?] and He nodded and said, “haan-haan, kal bataunga” [Yes-yes, I’ll tell you tomorrow]. I said, “Ok Guruji”. I hugged Him, touched His feet and then went on. Suddenly, I woke and realised, “Oh.. it was a dream”, still in some sort of disbelief as it was as real as it could be. So that moment I decided that now I’ll go to Delhi for sure.
So I reached Delhi that evening, it was Apr 30, 2011. I reached the venue where Guruji were staying. We were three guys, I, Varun Sharma and Ashish Gupta. We had gotten a bit late and could manage to reach there only by 10 PM. We came to know that Guruji had just given darshan to all. But we waited outside hoping that He would come again. Time started to pass moment by moment, first 11… then 12.. and so on, but He didn’t come out. At 12 at night, they told us that Guruji had retired for the day and would not come now. By then, Ashish and most of the crowd waiting outside had left and I along with the other guy Varun, decided that we would stay outside the whole night, and will go only after meeting Him tomorrow morning as we had no place to stay either there in Delhi that late at night.
So, we sat outside the gate, not in any sort of protest, that “Oh.. why haven’t you met us?”, but with a calm and happy state of mind that, “OK, Guruji, you take rest, we shall see you tomorrow early morning”. At 12 AM, I thought that the second day has started, and Guruji had told me that He would answer my question tomorrow, so I decided that now I’d talk only to Him. So I told Varun, that I am going into silence and now will talk only with Guruji. So I just sat there outside in silence, meditating. There were two more people with us from Delhi itself, and they were also sitting with us. The volunteers there requested us to go somewhere but we refused. Then, at around 12.45 AM, the secretary of Guruji and one other person came down and when they saw us sitting there, they protested and told us that we should move from here along with the local guys to their homes, who agreed, as it presents Gurudev in a bad taste. I agreed with what he said, but as I was in silence, I didn’t say anything, and let Varun handle it all, who was talking with them. But he refused to move from there and they went back annoyed with us. Then one of the local men who was sitting with us also went home. At that time the main gate of the house was open and I just went in and decided that, “OK we’ll stay here if not outside”, but there also we were not allowed to stay by the owner of the house. So we came out once again. The other local guy, Avinash, then pushed us to come along with him and also said that he would drop us back here early morning. So, on his insistence, both of us moved with him on his bike around 1 AM and he took us to his home. He was an Army personnel and he took us to the Army quarters. There, with whatever means he could, he served us like Gods, making “Athithi Devo Bhava” [Guest is God] literally true. We stayed there for just a few hours. Slept for an hour, took bath and he came back to drop us at Guruji’s place at 5 AM. We were so thankful to him for the generosity and hospitality with which he served.
Nobody was there, except three of us. We sat there, and time started ticking, second by second, minute by minute, and by each passing minute, my longing to meet Him was getting intense. It became 6.., few people came by then, then 7.., few more people came, but Guruji or any news of His arrival was nowhere to be seen. I was a bit disappointed, as how would have I been able to talk with Him then with so many people around? Then at 7.30, we got inside the main gate, and after a few minutes, suddenly, Gurudev came.
Enveloped in His divine aura and with that ever smiling face, He was approaching towards me, meeting one by one with all the devotees, around 40-50 there, sitting in line. As He was nearing towards me, my heart beat started increasing like the speed of a train. The breaths got heavier and heavier, and as He came to me, I just stood up, gathered my strength, and with a choked voice and trembling body, breaking my silence, told Him those two things, that I had literally rehearsed a numerous times in my mind over the past 24 Hrs and also had prayed that He gave me enough strength so that I could ask Him. And then very keenly listening to me, looking at me and also looking at what I was showing Him, He showered some words of grace, some insight and some ‘promises’ on me. Those moments, those words were something which will remain unforgettable for me. Those were immensely soothing and strengthening. After that, I hugged Him gently and He patted three times on my shoulder. But before that, one of the volunteers told Guruji, that we were sitting outside the whole night, and Gurudev said, “Tum log aisa kyun karte ho?” (“Why do you do like this?”). I replied in a mild voice, “Nahi guruji hum chale gaye the” (“No Guruji, we finally went”), but I doubt if He heard that. Then He moved forward a step, Varun was sitting, Guruji blessed him, and then suddenly looked back and said, “Mujhe bhi kal raat ek baje tak neend nahi aayi” (“I also could not sleep till 1 AM last night”). Both, I and Varun were shocked to hear that and were staring at each other’s face, not knowing whether to cry or laugh, wondering that He knew it all, as by no way anyone could have told Him when we left. Nobody was even there to see that we had left at 1 AM.
This is what the heart of a Guru is made of, if a devotee is not sleeping, then how can a Guru sleep? He has that love and compassion for each and all. He knows where we are, what we feel like and what we are doing. Now, I realise that why that local guy, Avinash was staying there with us that night. It was all due to His will. I even feel that had we called Him that night, He would have even come out to meet us, but we were sitting there with a different bhaav.
Then Guruji moved forward, but I was like in another world, unable to absorb the moment and drenched in His Divine Love. I felt like, I had still more to say, or rather listen from Him as He had answered only the latter of my queries. So, I rushed to the starting point of the looped queue. After a while, when Guruji came back completing the loop, I was the last one there. I again repeated the same thing to Him, and He looked into my eyes, patted on my shoulder, and said something..., something.. after which nothing was left to be sought!!! He had ‘promised’ me much more than I had asked for. Saying those few golden words, He moved upstairs. Unable to believe what had just happened, my heart swell up and the emotions started to flow out. I kept sitting there and closed my eyes, and soon I was crying and sobbing like a baby. It continued that way, and after sometime, when I opened my eyes, no one was there except a volunteer. I recollected myself and came out.
When I was coming to Delhi the previous day, I was thinking that all my meetings with Him have been so adventurous so far. How will He meet me this time, and would He listen to me and answer? Such things were going on in my mind, but one thing that was sure was that, I would not come back without meeting Him and asking what I wanted to. And it could not have been more adventurous than this. The way He works is really-really amazing and unfathomable, and perhaps it is not possible for a human mind to understand Him.
After coming out, I was feeling very light and happy, and I could feel His grace had again started to flow through me, once again...!! J
No more words, silence dawns... . . .

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