What lies ahead is a Historical moment, if not in His but in my life for sure..
Well, it was time for me to go to Ashram, once again. This time, my mother was also accompanying me. I had made her do a Basic course in May, on “May 13”, and wanted her to do an Advance Course in Ashram. So I made the bookings. I had to leave on June 11, 2011. Initially I was very excited, but as the days approached, that excitement vanished somehow. The reason being the turn of events that took place following the Anti-Corruption Movement by Baba Ramdev. I was very hurt with all what had happened. And to add to it, just before I had to leave, Guruji's father also passed away. So, I was not very enthusiastic, but somehow, I decided that I would go ahead with the plans. I came to know that Guruji were going to Haridwar to do the last rites of His father and also meet Baba Ramdev, so I was a bit relieved that something would come out now.
So, we boarded the flight and reached Bangalore and then headed to Mysore for a day. I spent some wonderful time in Mysore reliving the old memories, meeting friends and then came back to Bangalore Ashram. By that time, Guruji had also come back to Ashram. It was June 13. I completed the registration formalities and met Subhasish Rath, Guruji's Personal Attendant & also Aditi’s adopted Brother. I also found a bunch of Yes+ guys from Chandigarh, who were already there; Varun Bali, Vikram Rathore and Manish Sharma and all of them were great guys. I stayed with them instead of my room. In the evening I got to attend the satsang and the next day was going to be my Birthday, to celebrate which with Guruji I had come all the way to Ashram.
So, before the clock ticked 12 at night, Birthday wishes started pouring in. Some wonderful wishes from some really close friends & relatives and the same continued next morning as well. I was busy the whole day accepting the wishes. In the morning, I also went to my mom, who was staying in another housing section and sought her blessings.
I was waiting for the evening very vigorously as I wanted my cake to be cut by Guruji Himself and I had also bought a Pagri for Him. Subhasish Bhaiya had promised me to help me fulfil my wishes. So I ordered a cake in the Ashram Canteen and decided that I'll get it cut during the Darshan Line. Since afternoon, it started raining heavily. The Darshan Line time was 4.30 PM and I had already got late somehow. I rushed taking the cake with me to the Darshan Line along with my mom. My mom has severe knee joints pain, so she could hardly walk and I forcing her to move fast with rain drizzling and some big steps to climb only worsened the situation. In the process of rushing, my mom fell down. Oh.. it was very painful to see that. I somehow helped her to get up and we reached up for the Darshan line. She had tears in her eyes and that was indeed very painful for me to see. Those were more due to the constant sufferings that she was going through due to bodily ailments rather than the pain that she had just experienced. I somehow consoled her and asked her to pray Guruji to take it away.
After some time, we were in Darshan Line. There were a lot of people anxiously waiting for Him to come. I was standing there with a lot of anticipation and excitement. Many people congratulated me when they saw a cake in my hand. I had specifically instructed my mother, that she just pray for her pain to be taken away, than for me, when she meet Guruji, as I know her, she first pray for me than anything else.
Soon Guruji came and chaos erupted, but still, I was very hopeful and my wait got over soon. Guruji came near me and I asked Him that it was my B ‘Day Guruji and I could get my cake cut from Him. I was absolutely ecstatic. When my mother met Guruji, as expected, she prayed for me also along with her ailments to be taken away and I again protested afterwards to her that why did she do that? But you know, that is how the heart of a mother is..!! J
Afterwards, when I was leaving, the gang of my friends caught me up and painted my face with the cake all over. While going back to the room with cake in my hand and my face decorated with it, a number of people greeted me with such love and warmth like they knew me forever and tasted the cake too, which by then had become Guruji's Prasad. It was such joy to experience, when everybody around you was yours. I had never celebrated my B ‘Day with so many people before and the almighty Himself. Finally, I went to my room and got ready for the satsang.
Now, it was the time for my Pagri to get honoured. I took it and rushed to Vishalakshi Mantap. Subhasish Bhaiya was sitting at the entrance and he told me to wait at the gate to offer Pagri to Guruji's. But Vikram forced me to come inside and sit in front. I somehow agreed and went inside and managed a seat in front row also. I was sitting there and anxiously waiting for Him to come. I was also praying Him to accept the pargi. When Guruji came and sat on the dais, a lady sitting in the front row propelled me to go right away and do it.
So, gathering my courage, I reached up to Him, sat on my knees and offered it to Him. He gleefully accepted it and put it on His head. I said, "Guruji aaj mera B’ Day hai" [Guruji, it’s my birthday today] and He said something like, "Haan, maine cake kaata tha" [Yes, I had cut the cake]. But He still honoured me once again putting a garland over me. J
Here are those memorable moments captured, without my knowledge, by a Guru Lover, Amol Sawant, who is a passionate photographer too. Later on, one day I got to meet him and he told me that he had some of my pics of that day. I was too happy to know that and feel really thankful to him and Him.. J
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Waiting for Guruji to come.. |
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Wait getting long.. |
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Guruji blessing me with a garland.. |
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Showering His Grace.. J |
My mother's Advance Course with Guruji was going to start the next day. She was facing a lot of difficulties due to all the walking that she had to do in the hilly terrain of Ashram, but I asked her to be patient.
That night, after celebrating it all, I went to our room. There, there was a guy, Anshu from Jharkhand, about 20 years old. He was there in the room adjacent to ours and had become very familiar to the Bali group. He had a special talent in him, he was a learned magician. Since the age of 3, he had been learning magic from a very famous magician of India. On our insistence, he agreed to show us a few of it. He said that in magic, around 70-80% are pure tricks and some 20% is real magic, and he was going to show us that 20% real magic. We were seven guys in the room and there he showed us 5 magic acts just under our nose and we were all like had our mouth and eyes wide open in disbelief. That what he showed was absolutely amazing. He was so professional during the acts that we couldn’t get even a hint of what and how he was doing it. But in spite of all that, he was absolutely humble and focused. He said that he had learned it just because he had a passion and he doesn’t use it to harm anyone or for his personal benefits. He resolve was rock solid. Later on, after he went, we all had a very prolonged discussion on what was that, but couldn’t come to any conclusion and even thought of asking Guruji about it, but you know, just couldn’t ask.
So like that, two nights passed in the ashram without actually doing anything. I had decided that during my stay in ashram, I would remain in silence for atleast a couple of days, without doing any Advance Course, for some unobvious reasons, that only a few know J. So, the next day, i.e. on 15th, I decided that I’ll go into silence at night at 12 AM.
Though, I had met Guruji 2-3 times so far, had my cake cut from Him and also offered Him Pagri, but I found that something was missing, something special. In fact, though Guruji smile while meeting each and everyone, but I was missing that special look and smile of His, which you cannot really describe in words. The thought that He somehow didn’t want to meet me had sneaked into my mind. In the evening later, in satsang, I was looking at Him and was feeling like crying. The bhaav of gratitude and longing was making me feel overwhelmed. I also got somewhat ‘naaraaz’ from Him for these obvious reasons.
So, that night, I shifted to my room alone and went into silence at 12 AM, despite some of the friends ridiculing my logic about it. The next day, I woke up, did my sadhana and went to Gaushala. It was some 2 KM away from my room and an uphill journey. It is a wonderful place to be which has a divine aura and with those herds of cows around, it takes you into the era of Krishna. The cows there in Ashram has some unusually long ears and I got to know that these cows are of the same species of which Krishna grazed in Gokul and it was due to listening the sweet music from Krishna’s flute that their ears prolonged so much.
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Cows in the Ashram Gaushala with unusually long ears. |
I did some seva there for some time and then was going back. I was a bit tired and stopped at Radha Kunj for some time, which was on my way back. There, while I was sitting in silence, I noticed some arrangements being made and it didn’t take me too long to realize that Guruji would be coming here. I sat there for an hour or so, meditated in that divine space and then headed towards kitchen for lunch, realizing that it would still take some time for Him to come. I had my lunch, did some seva there and then headed back to Radha Kunj. This time, when I reached, it was all set. When I approached near it, an Ashram Sevak stopped me politely saying that some guests were expected and I should not go ahead and I obliged. I sat there near Radha Kunj. After sometime, Guruji came there and entered into a hall. Some guests followed including Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev and some Shankaracharyas perhaps. It was some kind of ceremony I think, related to His father’s demise. I was sitting there peacefully in silence. Sitting there and witnessing all movements of Guruji in between, I was getting Bhaav-vibhor. The longing in my heart was getting intense moment by moment and pain was touching up the throat every now and then. As the time passed, some more people had started to gather around. There were some 20-30 people after some time. But I was still sitting, in pain and meditating, waiting for Him to come out. This time, I had decided, that although I would be near Him, as I can’t be far from Him, but I won’t approach Him if He didn’t want to meet me. As He was about to come out, I opened my eyes from meditation and saw that a security guard was asking people to evacuate. I used some skill there and closed my eyes again into meditative posture, as I knew that in ashram atleast, no one would disturb me while meditating ;). And it worked J. After some time, I opened only one eye to see if all was set :P. And yes, all people had gone and only I was left JJJ. I was the only extra-terrestrial object left there. So when He came out, I walked near Him. But He didn’t look at me and went ahead in Radha Kunj. Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev and other guests followed and then they were sitting in open for the meeting. I was standing outside some 20 meters away from Him. I was just looking at Him and was contended just watching Him. The meeting was going on and all the while I was just looking at Him. In between, for moments, He was also looking at me but the distance was a bit too much. The bhaav, the longing of that 20 meters separation was gaining control over me and finally tears started trickling down my cheeks. I tried to hide them, as I didn’t want to show those to Him to gain sympathy. But you know, He knows it anyway.. He can feel it whether you are 20 meter away or 2000 km away, it does not matter. He can sense the desperation in the air. So during the meeting, He stood up along with the guests and while talking, just sneaked out very casually and innocently. He very slowly started walking towards me in a zigzag manner. He came near me and was standing some 2-3 meters away, but still didn’t look at me. The pain in my heart had become really intense and had fully choked my throat by then. But I was somehow managing myself standing there and looking at Him.
Then suddenly, He turned towards me and came near me. He said a few words... I tried but lost control over my emotions and broke down. I could barely reply. It was like a mother asking affectionately from a child, “Kya chahiye tuje.. bol..”, after he had wept for a long time and the child still not able to speak properly. Such was my state. Words were not coming out of my mouth. I was sobbing and stuttering. My mind was absolutely blank and didn’t know what I wanted or what to say? He talked to me for a few minutes, asking me a few things and telling a few. I had just surrendered to His words and will at that time. He was talking so innocently as if He knew nothing about me. We talked for a while and then we were just standing close to each other. I had nothing to say and was just looking at Him in a sort of disbelief, as if it was really real what was happening..?? It was unbelievable. This whole meeting lasted for around 10 minutes, ‘G’ and Me all alone, with nobody to disturb. It was like a dream come true and truly Historical for me.
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'G'uruji with me during that Historical Meeting.. J |
To describe this meeting, I have written a few words, which though are not capable enough to express it fully, but still..
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कुछ मदहोशी सी थी, बस थोड़ा सा होश था..!
मिले जब अपने दिलबर से हम, तो ज़माना खामोश था..!
हम देखते रह गये छ्लकती आखों से उनको,
आवाज़ ना आई भीगे शब्दों से गर, तो शब्दों का क्या दोष था..!!
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Guruji with Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev during that meeting. |
Then, after a while He along with the other guests left from there.
I didn’t realize that time, but when I came back, I remembered I had written a letter for Guruji and sent it to Him via Varun Sharma, my colleague, on His B’ day, on May 13. In that letter I had written, “ Guruji, I am coming to Ashram on my B’ Day and please spare 10 mins of yours for me”. Initially I was writing 2 mins, but then I thought, lets demand something big, and I wrote 10 mins and... Oh My God..!!! He read that letter and fulfilled my wish. This is extraordinarily amazing to see that to which level He takes care of us. Isn’t it unbelievable.., and what is more unbelievable is the manner in which He does it. We cannot even imagine His way of doing things even in our wildest of imaginations. He always looks so innocent, so natural and yet knows and plans everything so well, like He often say, “spontaneously well planned”.
Now I scold myself, why didn’t I ask for something bigger, but.. you know, that is how it is.. J
Afterwards.., every time He met me, He gave me that special look and smile.
I had written a poem for Guruji a few months earlier, and wanted to read it out to Him in satsang. So that evening, I prepared myself for it but was very nervous to do so. The satsang got over, but I couldn’t do it. I thought, I’ll do it the next day. Though I was in silence the next day also, but I didn’t mind reading out a poem to Him. So I prepared myself to read it on that evening satsang. Once again, I was feeling very nervous to read it out and also didn’t get a chance to do so. So two days passed like that. Two days of make-up gone wasted... :p. The next day was June 18, the day of my last satsang of the trip, as I had to go back on June 19. My silence was also over that day. So that evening, I thought it was the last chance and during the satsang, I prayed to Guruji also to allow me to read it. Surprisingly, that evening, I was very relaxed and even though I was very late for satsang, I managed to get a seat in front near the singers. So Guruji came, sat there and started answering Qs from people. I also had a question in my mind which I wanted to ask. So I wrote it down and passed it to the one who was asking it for all. It was written in English. Guruji were also responding to the Qs in English first. He answered many Qs and then the mike was taken by the one asking Qs in Hindi. She started, but Guruji interrupted her at once and said, lets complete the English Qs first. So, the person started asking the English Qs again. As he started, I realised that it was the Q that I had written, it was my Q and would you believe, it was the last English Q that was pending. So in a way, Guruji didn’t want to disappoint me in any way whatsoever. Then some Hindi Qs were asked and Q-Ans session got over. Usually, Guruji compulsorily take a meditation session in satsangs immediately after the Q-Ans, but that day, after the Qs, He remained quiet and everyone else was also quiet. So realising, that this is my chance, I stood up and said, “Guruji maine kuch linee likhi hai aapke liye” [Guruji, I have written a few lines for you], and He replied, “Line likhi hai... padho..” [Written lines.. ok read..] and I started. I started in a very balanced voice and what followed afterwards was an overwhelming response from a crowd of thousands sitting there. Almost after each stanza, there were scores of clapping all over. People were appreciating it a lot. After it was over, Guruji responded in His own unique humorous way. I was absolutely delighted and ecstatic with people around giving thumbs up..!!
I’ll post this poem in the next post, ‘The Real Essence’ and can be read there, and this whole thing is there on YouTube too.
The video of the poem only.
Here is the complete satsang video of that day. The poem section is starting from 34th minute to 36th minute of the video.
Complete video of the satsang.
What I realised then was that, He wanted me to read it out for my own happiness and appreciation, because as far as the poem was concerned, I had already handed it over to Him a few months ago in Delhi in written format. So He must have already read it, but still did it all for my happiness. After the satsang, I was receiving congratulatory messages and that continued even the next day. Instantly I had become a recognisable face in the ashram. :p :D Some people asked for its copy too, and I shared it with them.
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Vishalakshi Mandap in its full glory. |
The next day was my last day of the trip. There was a pooja in the morning for Guruji’s father. After the pooja, I was standing outside the Yagyashala and I saw Bau and Dinesh. I requested them for a photo and they instantly agreed. There was a very simple guy in white Kurta Pyjama standing near them and talking to them. I requested him if he could click it for me, and he happily agreed. After that, he appreciated my poem too and then I asked him about himself. He told his name as Harish Ramachandaran. I said, “Maine aapka naam kahin suna hai” [I have heard your name before also] but I was not able to recall where. He also didn’t say anything about it. And finally I left saying JGD. On my way back in flight that night, I was reading the book, “The Guru of Joy”, and there his name appeared once again, and then I recalled, “Oh.. he was the CEO of Sumeru Software Solutions and I had read about him in ‘Sri Sri as I know him’ also earlier..” I was amazed by his humbleness, belongingness and simplicity and wished if I could talk more to him. Later on, I wrote him a mail regarding it and he replied too.
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With Bau and Dinesh.. & With Vikram Hazara.. |
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Guruji met each and everyone on the last day of my trip. |
This trip had been so fulfilling that I was unwilling to come back. Last time when I came to Ashram, I had came perhaps to demand or ask for something from Him, but this time, I came just to be with Him.. and you see.. how He poured His Love upon me? How He left no stone unturned for my happiness? How He fulfilled and even asked for my slightest of desires? Such is His love. Absolutely eternal...
Being in Ashram was like living in a different space of world, where there was so much joy, so much Love, so much celebration, so much peace, so much divinity and that too amid the natural wilderness of unexploited nature. It felt as if nothing is comparable to it. But finally, I had to go. Meeting Guruji once more closely, and waving bye bye.. I finally headed back to Chandigarh, asking Him to meet me again very soon.. and regularly too… J
